real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
babies were throwing up all over the place
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
