but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
false alarm, still single
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
