What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
