I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
worst night to have a conscience
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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