I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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