I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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