Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
