I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize