Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
