so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
