I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
