If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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