just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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