At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
