sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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