She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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