areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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