I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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