i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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