I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
