Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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