So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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