So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
