I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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