I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
