He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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