I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
