It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
