My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
