Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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