Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
