last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
