there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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