I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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