If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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