I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
