you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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