hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
