I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
