there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
