but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Randomize
