I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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