Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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