I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
