Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
