Swine flu. Run for my life!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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