i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
