Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
