she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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