I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
