we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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