Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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