The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize