I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
