my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
