Have you finally orgasmed yet?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize