I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
