I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
