My first STD was from a foam party
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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