Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
