I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
