do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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