dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
