I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
