a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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